I think this needs to be discussed today with the mom, who didn’t make six figures after you had your baby or while you had your kids. Thankfully, I have noticed more things said on normalizing the struggles of being a mom. So today, I want to dive into this false perception and unrealistic boxes we put ourselves in to try to find and check the box of what we think success looks like in our minds.
I have been in the world of entrepreneurship for a long time, since 2008. I had my first child in 2017; I had my son that February.
I remember when I was pregnant with him, I thought, and I had this dream, that everything was going to take off even more.
I’ll tell you what made me plant this thought in my mind. And this is what I want you guys to hear: we often are planting many of these things around us–these expectations of what we should be like and how.
Then we hold ourselves to this crazy expectation of what we need to be. And if we don’t, we fail ourselves.
So from pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, or what that was supposed to be like to then business, even how my baby was supposed to act.
I’m here to tell you, I struggled so fucking bad, kid one and with kid two, because then in 2019, I had my daughter, and in between that, I had a miscarriage.
It was not easy for me, like it wasn’t easy at all, mentally and emotionally.
Let’s backtrack some and talk about where some of the plantings started for me. So before I got pregnant with my son, I was in a mastermind, and there was someone in there that became one of those “internet sensations.” And she became pretty well known in the industry, at least for a few years. I don’t know how she is anymore, but it seems she’s gone off the radar. I’m not going to say her name because I don’t think it matters.
But anyway, I was in a mastermind with her. And her story at the time, I think she had already had two sons, and she was pregnant with her third baby. So her story ended up becoming, I went from welfare to become a millionaire.
Because I was in the same mastermind as her, I knew the numbers that she shared. And so her very first launch, she made like $60,000, and she was pregnant. And she’s like, Yeah, “I think a lot of my success is because I was pregnant,” you know.
So fwd a year or so, and now I’m preggo. My brain instantly goes back to the chick in my mastermind that breastfeeds while hosting a webinar and making her first million-dollar year.
Keep this in mind; I have this all banked in my brain. And what this did was after I had my son or while I was pregnant with my son is create these expectations of what I should be doing with myself. So I began defining myself as worth from this.
I had all these expectations from where and how I would give birth and how the business would blow up and grow astronomically, all while breastfeeding my calm, sleepy baby.
I picked this place that I ended up not even giving birth to it or getting transferred to a hospital. I had complications with a 23-hour labor. My son got stuck in the womb-like he had a meconium womb. So like everything just led up to where I had a baby that came out crying. And he didn’t stop crying for years. He fought sleeping all the time, so there was a lot of crying. I didn’t even have the so-called newborn sleep they do the first few weeks- nope, just crying.
Many nights of me in the fetal position crying, on the floor next to his bed. So many nights of me holding him in my arms screaming until he exhausted himself out, or finally, my only reprieve at night was the swing. Thank god for that fucking thing. (more judgment and shame came with that because who leaves their baby in a swing! I did, Susan, I did.)
Also, I am still trying to pursue this dream because I defined my self-worth by it. I didn’t have success breastfeeding my son. I felt like a disappointment there. I had this dream that I would have the baby on the teat as I was doing business. Or the baby that naps while you work or gently coos next to you in their little seat, nope and nope.
I didn’t get that shit. And I made myself feel so bad about it. I defined my self-worth by it. And I started to blame my son.
It makes me feel silly now typing this, but this was real life for me.
So for the moms out there that may have already had, you already have your kids. So then you can’t figure out how to find the time to do stuff, or for those of you who have babies or had a baby and you feel like a pile of worthless shit, I get it. And yeah, it doesn’t help when there are tons of people out there. I know people, two people right now. One is pregnant with her second child. The other has a six-month-old that are launching like mom programs, and how they become millionaires is like new moms and all the stuff like, good for them, like seriously.
The point I’m trying to get across here is we have to realize that we’re not these people, and it doesn’t have to be eye-rolling that somebody else is doing it and eye-rolling that you’re not.
I want you to give yourself grace. We must repeatedly remind ourselves to provide ourselves with grace like we’re so fucking hard on ourselves.
It’s ridiculous we hold ourselves to in this glass jar that’s so fragile that we’re constantly beating down on the ground, just waiting for the time that it shatters. Yet, when it does, we’re so baffled when it happens.
What if we step back and glance at our reflection of our surface of who we are and look inside? There’s so much to see.
And that what is this big rush? Like what is this big rush that we keep trying to follow in a cheat? Like who? Who are we trying to prove this to like, who are we trying to prove it to? Because anytime in my life when I started to step back, I finally began to surrender to being a mom to my son.
I’m not gonna say it’s, oh, because I surrendered that I finally found my business success, but it had a huge part of when things began to take shape for me.
What was going on behind all of this was grace, forgiveness, stillness. I was learning to embrace this hole in me, this part that was trying to find self-fulfillment through external means and my children.
We have this perception of how things are supposed to be in this linear life. Yet, you may have the knowledge that you know life is not meant to be linear. And if this is your first time hearing that, welcome life is not intended to be linear.
Life is like a roller coaster. And if you think about roller coasters, there are like roller coasters for toddlers. So all roller coasters aren’t going to give you the ride of your life.
Then there’s like, even almost like a roller coaster that’s almost more like a train. I can practically remember this as a kid. It went slow. If anything, it was almost like a scenic route, okay, but it was considered a roller coaster. So I want you just to see life that way. Like everything isn’t always 92 miles an hour, sometimes it’s like two miles an hour, and it may be moving slower than your mind’s expectations.
And maybe your baby didn’t breastfeed, and you wanted it to, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. And perhaps you wanted to have your business thrive and succeed.
In contrast, you have this baby on the teat or little toddlers running in the background, and you want to live life so authentically.
At this moment, I am not enjoying this moment; I’m not in my light. So at that moment, all you can do is surrender to where you are, no matter what’s going on in your life. I think that’s the hardest thing when we surrender; we believe we are failing ourselves.
And when we’re still, there’s not much to see except the pain that you can feel right, and maybe the tears streaming down your face, or the numbers that you didn’t meet the clients that you don’t have an overcompensation that you feel you must give.
I think that’s the give and take of life that we constantly are learning, especially for mothers pursuing entrepreneurship.
And really, I guess for some of you, and I wouldn’t say it holds the same validity.
Whether you have been trying to have a kid and you had miscarriage after miscarriage. You’ve had a traumatic birth; you haven’t given birth in like seven years, but you have like little tiny kids. It can be a lot. Are you a single mom with kids? Being a mom, in general, is hard. It’s at least for me; its hard motherhood does not come easy for me. Motherhood did not come easy.
For me, motherhood still is something that I have to work a lot on to were Yeah, building out a funnel and an automation system and working with a client that comes easy. But working on myself as a human, which I always will be regardless of my business hats.
I’m a mom; I chose to be a mom. And I’m a mom, and I struggle with it still. So no matter again, I say I’m going to say this because you guys think you think I thought the business would fill all those holes inside of myself. I thought the business with the baby was going to fill all those voids inside of me. But, I am only the thing that gets to do that, how I feel about myself and realizing that this is my own experience. So I cannot compare it to anyone else’s.
I’m doing myself a disservice when I do because I’m not appreciating my human experience.
I love to use toddlers and entrepreneurship hand in hand because, well, we were like toddlers when we started. Yet we have this unrealistic expectation that we’re supposed to come out the womb walking, you know, the womb of entrepreneurship.
We’re gonna fall down and stumble sometimes. And I mean, I don’t know, if you’re an adult that’s ever fallen before. A couple of weeks ago, I was going down the stairs, and I missed a step. It almost completely busted my ass. But I caught myself was like, we still do that. Well, that’s going to happen in business too. Sometimes we have things that didn’t go to our mind’s eye and expectations.
Sometimes you have failed launches, or what you think is a failed launch is just a learning experience. And it’s a pause. And so, I’m grateful for the minor break I had with my son that also brought me into some of the most incredible experiences of my life.
In general, I was just going through the motions of life. No, I was happy doing it and enjoying things, but I had a lot of significant shifts occurring.
And so, if you also know any premise behind me, and if you’re following this, you more than likely are on a spiritual journey. And you’re about to begin one if you aren’t, but most of you already are on one. So I feel those of us because of where we are. We’re not going to do it like everybody else. Like, it’s, it’s going to happen differently.
And so what I see is like the pauses and the stillness that I had, like after my daughter’s birth, not right away, it was she was about a year and a half about it, about a year, I would say. And then, for basically from age one to two, I had like because my postpartum depression just kept building. Also, while moving into a period of stillness because also during that same time, we were building a house, we sold the one that we were living in. So I was living in the woods, which I guess could make an entire episode on instead of going into that now.
But that period of stillness was just everything I didn’t want. But everything I needed all at one time. Because when I came out of that, I still was able to work some it wasn’t like what I wanted, and I didn’t have the freedom that I usually had. But it helped me realize that I was still running from things that helped me realize that I was still trying to find validity outside of myself. And I think that’s what often can get tricky. So for those in the self-development or spiritual industry, even if we are mostly doing business stuff, it is if you add the spirituality mix. You add the self-development mix; you realize that even though we’re chasing business, we’re finding ourselves, whether you want to admit it or not. And so, regardless of what level we’re at, I think that’s that notion of where we realize we’re human.
Remember, things are not as they seem, simply because we blindside ourselves from what we want to experience and whether we like it or not, no matter who you are.
Lightworker star seed, light beam, Moonbeam, Earth Angels, all these names, you’re still here for the human experience. You will carry no gift that will help you omit that at this stage of your ascension.
So embrace the harmonic balance of being a spiritual being having a human experience and embrace that this is a human journey. The experience of the journey is not a destination. So stop trying to glorify the end and embrace the experience, and it will be much more humbling along the way.