Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a rut? Like you’ve achieved all of your goals, but yet you still don’t feel fulfilled or happy? If that sounds like you, then you’re not alone. Many High Achievers find themselves in this position. They have great careers and earn a lot of money, but they still feel lost and unfulfilled. So what do you do when you find yourself in this situation? Here are three steps that can help get you back on track!

high achievers that feel lost and unfulfilled, even though they are high earners with great careers. They may have worked hard to get where they are, but they can’t help but feel like something is missing. They long for more meaning in their lives, but they don’t know how to find it. The high achiever may feel like they’re on a hamster wheel, running faster and faster but never getting anywhere. It can be a frustrating and isolating feeling. But it’s important to remember that there are others who feel the same way. You are not alone in your search for fulfillment. There are many resources available to help you find what you’re looking for. Talk to a counselor, join a support group, or read self-help books. With time and effort, you can find the fulfillment you’re searching for.

The first step is to figure out what it is that you want in life. What do you want in life?

It’s a big question, but it’s important to spend some time thinking about it. What are your passions? What makes you happy? When you take the time to really think about what you want, it can be easier to start setting realistic goals and working towards them. Maybe you want to travel the world, or start your own business. Maybe you want to find a cure for cancer, or write a best-selling novel. Whatever it is that you want, start by getting a clear understanding of what it is. Once you know what you want, you can begin taking steps to make it happen. Pursue your passions and work towards your goals, and with dedication and hard work, you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

You’ve decided that you want to make some changes in your life and you’re ready to take the first step. Congratulations! Taking that first step is often the hardest part, but it’s also the most important.

The second step is to find a support group or mentor.

Having someone to help keep you accountable and on track can be extremely helpful when trying to make changes in your life. There are many groups and programs available that can provide support and guidance. Do some research and find one that’s right for you. There are also online support groups and forums that can be a great resource. Once you’ve found a group or mentor, stay committed and listen to their advice. Making changes in your life is not always easy, but with the right support, it’s definitely possible.

The third and final step is to take small steps every day to work towards your goals.

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but by taking small steps each day, you can slowly start to make the changes you want to see in your life. These three steps will help you get back on track and start living a more fulfilling life. Figure out what it is that you want in life. Set realistic goals and start working towards them. Find a support group or mentor to help you stay on track high achievers that feel lost and unfulfilled, even though they are high earners with great careers

So, if you’re feeling lost and unfulfilled as a high achiever, it’s time to take a step back and figure out what it is that will make you happy. Once you know what that is, set realistic goals and start working towards them. Find a support group or mentor to help you stay on track – someone who understands the challenges of being a high achiever and can offer guidance when needed. Finally, identify your passions and what makes you happy. From there, make a list of things you want to do or accomplish in your life. Take small steps every day to work towards your goals; don’t try to do everything at once!  

Ready to get started? Schedule a call with me today.

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Not only is self-love a foreign concept for most, but the idea of self-love can also feel uncomfortable AF. I mean think about it; is there anything else more intimate than the idea of self-love? Going inward and giving your mind, your spirit and your body all the attention, care, and affection you would normally reserve for the others in your life isn’t a concept we’ve grown up becoming accustomed to.

Self-Love isn’t a Fad Diet

Once you’ve wrapped your mind around the idea that this intimacy with yourself is non-negotiable and necessary to live a fulfilled life, you need to start taking the (sometimes painfully) awkward steps that will get you there.

We haven’t exactly been raised with a self-love guidebook to help us along. In fact, the entire idea of it hasn’t really been openly talked about until the last decade or so. Despite its newness, the self-love revolution that’s slowly taking hold in the world isn’t a fad. It’s a spiritual awakening to a very life-affirming necessity that has been stripped of us for centuries.

When you think about the traditional school’s focus on high grades to “get a good job”, television commercials and ads with “must-have” messages voiced over utopic images of happy people doing happy things with their happy smiles, and iconic literature like the Great Gatsby that literally revolves around glorifying one man’s idea of greatness through material illusions, it’s easy to recognize we have been coerced to believe that only things of external value create true happiness. It’s a total fucking sham. And the lies are finally coming home to roost.

Step into Self-Love Consciousness

Waking up to the fact that every value you’ve built your life around is a sham, designed to keep you an unconscious prisoner of life is often shocking and painful. It’s tough to recognize external validation for the steaming hot cup of bullshit it is, but it’s also empowering.

I found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to know how to love yourself. – Louise Hay

Hyper-focusing on the external things you desire; people, money, business, etc., are reflections of the voids inside of yourself. Skipping over your internal voids keeps you unconscious to the internal turmoil that has you always searching, always longing, and always unfulfilled.

How do you find self-love? You dig. You isolate and you ache from being lonely. You heal. You accept. You look in the mirror and see the Universe. – Danielle Aime

Learning Self-Love is the Epicenter of a Fulfilled Life

Your deep, internal self is where the magic happens. If your internal self is dark, full of shame, guilt, self-blame, or is in any way being rejected or ignored, nothing you do or have in your life will bring you peace.

On the flip-side, if your internal self is connected to your consciousness, loved, honored, and nurtured, your whole life turns around. You are then able to not only create the external life that you want, but you can enjoy the external results that come from internal love and connection.

How much you love yourself is what determines your fulfillment in life. -Danielle Aime

Shine from Within Through Acceptance

When you love yourself exactly as you are, you begin to shine from within. Your external environment becomes a beautiful life, adorned with all the things you thought you had to start with to make you happy. Ironically, it’s the internal acceptance that creates that visual of external results you’ve been looking for.

If you aren’t familiar with HOW to love yourself, you’re not alone. Self-love is often simplified down to a hot bath or a relaxing massage. These are nice things to do for yourself, but they skip over the internal work that’s required to achieve self-love and put you back where you are most comfortable: external devices! It feels good at the moment, but when you get out of the tub, you go right back to a life with more pain, fear, and struggle than you want or is necessary.

To achieve self-love, you’re going to have to dig deep and learn how to become fully present to yourself. This means the discomfort of exploring your truest-self, understanding who she really is, what she really needs, and then showering her with the attention and acceptance she needs. Only then can something like a hot bath be relevant to loving yourself.

The Maverick Blueprint for Self-Love If you know me at all, then you’ll know I don’t do anything by-the-book. I am a self-professed Spiritual Maverick and I work with clients who have that burning desire to step outside the comfort zone of what society deems as normal. The blueprint below shows you how to start learning self-love through self-exploration, acceptance, and healing.

Stop Comparing!

Susie may manifest more in her life simply because her self-worth confidence love meter in that sector of her life is full – YOURS is not. Accept that you are not Susie, you are you. Find awareness inside of yourself and you will find the answers to your life that you desire deep within.

Accept where you are at with loving yourself.

It’s ok for it to feel weird about soulfully exploring yourself. Don’t make it worse by being hard on yourself for not feeling like a divine goddess through it all. No one learns self-love in a week.

That hesitation that comes up is your ego-signal trying to keep you comfortable and in the same place. Push through that discomfort and see what’s on the other side. Allow for mistakes and don’t judge the feelings that will bubble up by going inward.

Identify internal voids you may be trying to fill through external sources/validations.

This can be effing hard to do on your own. My previous blog about Inner Work talks about my own struggles with it and outlines the ways I recommend exploring your inner-self.

Take action to heal.

You can start to implement some self-care routines as a part of self-love. But be certain you aren’t just doing something because someone says it’s a nice thing to do for yourself. You want to purposely and consciously move forward in such a way that serves you and nourishes your spirit.

Honestly, this doesn’t have to be hard. Simple things like 15 minutes of guided meditation, taking a walk to clear your mind, or practicing mirror work are simple and cost-effective ideas. Play around with this, make it fun, and only do what feels good.

Learning self-love is a continuous practice, be gentle, give grace and grow.

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“You get what you think about.” Abraham Hicks

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Think about something and have it – or its energetic equivalent – manifest into your life. While the concept seems simple, the practice of active manifestation bears many more complications to getting what you want than you are likely able to work through.  

A lot of the frustration of manifesting comes from the wide array of incorrect or misleading information that now exists on the topic. The truth is, the word ‘manifesting’ has been used and abused in recent years and has now become a money-making scam for many self-proclaimed “gurus” as a way to make a quick buck. 

Getting what you want comes naturally.

What most people don’t realize when it comes to “manifesting” is that they have been doing it their whole lives. Yep, even you. From the time we are children, we unconsciously (or consciously) bring experiences or things into our lives through the process of manifestation.  

Don’t agree?  

Just ask any parent who’s ever bent to the pressure of buying a toy for their child at the store. 

The child is set on getting the object of their desire. It may take more than one trip to the store, it may take waiting until their birthday, or it may take getting a less expensive, but equally appealing toy.  

The point is…they align with a desire, stay persistent with it and their vibrational frequency brings them the equivalent of their desire. Manifesting is the Law of Attraction, which simply means like attracts like. Your vibrational frequency plus human beliefs will equal said desires.  

Like attracts like: Manifestation defined. 

Our energy bodies and paths have a lot to do with what we call into our lives and we create vibrations when we create thoughts. The vibrations we create with our thoughts attract like vibrations, hence ‘like attracts like’. If you don’t like what you’re experiencing, all you need to do is change your vibration by changing your thoughts.  

We live in a world of our own creation and we should speak only such words and think only such thoughts as we wish to see manifest in our lives. We must think only about what we wish to experience. 

“You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts.” Brian Tracy

Staying present is key. 

So, what is it that makes manifestation so difficult for some? It’s learning to master your own mind by controlling what you allow it to focus on. Controlling our thoughts takes practice and unending discipline, which is where most people fall off the rails.  

The best way to start mastering this skill is to remember to stay focused on the present moment. Don’t linger on lost opportunities or past mistakes – and don’t fixate on the worries of tomorrow, inturn helping to ease the frustration of manifesting. 

Feeling good now is the key to success; living in the present moment. Don’t save your happiness until after the success.  

Being in the present moment allows you to communicate to the universe that you are right where you need to be, and that you choose to feel good now. YOU create the emotions of satisfaction, happiness, and love, not the situations outside of your control.  

If you struggle finding acceptance in the present and have trouble stating, “I am right where I need to be”, then you need to work on finding awareness, acceptance, and appreciation for your life.  

You can do this by finding awareness, acceptance, and appreciation in the things that you feel have pained you or kept you from progressing in life. I like to call this Authentic Internal Response.  

Authentic Internal Response occurs when the “lesson” has been learned by having met the criteria of awareness, acceptance, and appreciation.  

Focus on what you do have. 

What’s in the past is in the past. There’s nothing you can do to change it. You can “coulda, woulda, shoulda” all day long, but doing so won’t alter the outcome or change where you are now.  

Learn what you need from past events and then let them go. And tomorrow isn’t here yet so why worry about it? Worrying or obsessing won’t prevent things from happening. It’s important to stay in the present because it’s the only part of the time that you have any control over. 

Choosing to feel good now by acknowledging what you do have signals Universe that you have what you want, and it strives then to deliver more of what you want. Again, like attracts like, ending the frustration of manifesting.   

Many people believe if you were to feel good where you are now, then you would not go any further because your satisfaction would make you stuck in the current state. Au contraire, my friend! The simple thought of acceptance and appreciation for where you are has the power to manifest grander things into your life and catapult you to where you long to be.  

When one is ok with where they are, that means they can find gratitude and appreciation in what lies around them, therefore signifying to the universe, ‘Wow, I love feeling this way. I love life; it’s beautiful. Bring me more please.’ The Universe loves to please you by delivering what you want. However, you need to make sure you are telling it what you want as opposed to telling it what you don’t want.  

Think about this example: 

You are in such a financial hole that you have no idea how you will pay your rent much less anything else that is due that month. Now instead of focusing on the lack and worry that most of us default to, try signifying to the Universe that you feel good where you are.  

It is you saying, ‘I see how much I do have. I have a roof over my head at this present moment. I have life. I have the ability to see, to hear, to feel, to express myself, to desire more.’ You have endless amounts of things to be grateful for, all you need to do is change your focus to see them.   

In this light you’re no longer telling the Universe, ‘Debt, debt, debt, please bring me more.’ You are instead sending out the vibration of “I have so much, please bring me more.’ If debt is your biggest struggle in life, then my Money Mindset course may help you.  

Rewire your thoughts. 

Read this statement or write it down 10 times or until the lightbulb goes off:  

FOCUS ON WHAT IS GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE.  

The present thought is so crucial and imperative if you’re tired of the frustration of manifesting not happening in your favor. It helps to be consciously aware of what you are saying to your brain so you can feed it the thoughts that amplify manifestation. Read or write down this next statement 20 times each day until you really feel it and believe it. 

I am right where I need to be. 

When you get yourself into this mindset, things around you become much easier and dare I say magical.  

Detach from immediacy. 

The counter-intuitive factor at play is what’s meant for you to have and when. Occasionally we can be quite hasty and very impatient beings; we like to see results yesterday. It can be hard to wait for the outcome, but again, don’t allow your impatient thoughts to take over and create resistance to your desires.   

Think of it like this: If life was always one way and you got anything you wanted with a snap of a finger without any effort or desire, life would be so redundant and systematic with zero perspectives.  

Life is full of contrasts and lessons, and if it weren’t so, it would be boring AF. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a life of contrasts with all the painful downs so I can also experience the beautiful ups over redundant and boring any day.  

Getting what you want in life shouldn’t be an almighty struggle. Focus on the good, consciously rewire your thought pattern and be patient. If you can do just this, you will capture the art of manifestation.  

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Ahhh, forgiveness. The elusive, seemingly impossible dream. This entire topic is a real bitch, isn’t it? Forgiveness is big area of exploration these days for my clients and a huge part of the equation to finding personal and spiritual freedom. I won’t lie, understanding self-forgiveness is even harder and is the work of a warrior.  

1. What is forgiveness? Is it always necessary to forgive? Who do you forgive first? And how do you start forgiving yourself? These are just a few questions on this monumentally confusing topic that confront us as we move through personal transformation. 

I know what a confusing mess forgiveness can seem like when you are starting down the road of spiritual awakening, so I’ve created this post as a roadmap to help get you started with understanding the basics of forgiveness and the process of starting where it matters most – yourself. 

What is forgiveness? 

The dictionary version of forgiveness is “to cease to feel resentment against”. It’s almost laughably simplistic, isn’t it? As simple as it sounds, there is usually no straight-line path to forgiveness. You don’t start at anger, resentment, and hurt and just walk on over to everything is awesome. If only it were that simple.   

Forgiveness rather is a container in which you choose to nurture or not. It’s a continuum of moving back and forth through emotions and choices. You know you are within a state of forgiveness when your feelings of anger, hate, or resentment become neutralized. This happens through acceptance of what it was that caused the feelings. 

Marriage and Family Therapist Andrea Brant says that “by forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it. This can be a gradual process…” 

You don’t HAVE to feel happy or joyful when thinking about the person you are forgiving, or the parts of yourself you don’t enjoy looking at. But you don’t feel shame, guilt or resentment either. 

Why is forgiveness important? 

There is no doubt: forgiveness work can feel like a hot pile of steaming garbage to go through. So, it’s easy to wonder why–in–the–actual–hell you would ever put yourself through it. 

The reason the work of self-forgiveness is transformative and worth it is because it elevates you to a place of peace in your life. This peace is the catalyst for self-love and allows space for you to begin forgiving others and enhancing your spiritual path. (Use this para as a sharable quote box within the blog to highlight.) 

Besides inner-peace, the forgiveness of yourself and of others helps us on our spiritual path. It connects us more to ourselves and to others, therefore bringing us to closer alignment with source.  

The way of the spirit is to embrace life – all of it….we often have the power to transform what is destructive in life. Forgiveness of others, and self, is an act of transformation and a high spiritual path.

–Heather Seguin, Thymewood

Where to start. 

Within personal transformation comes a portion of deeper unveiling of one’s self. We hit certain milestones of release, awareness, and growth to then almost feel as if we are plateauing – or getting stuck at one point of growth. This, in fact, is a signal that you have gotten yourself very close to your core truth. The space just before core truth is where the lies you have about yourself – guilt and shame – reside.  

This is the point of origin of the unwanted feelings. You are hitting the core of who you really are, and you freeze (plateau) because moving through those feelings is crazy-scary waters! Most people bail at this point and stay stuck in discontentment. This is where understanding self-forgiveness becomes essential to personal wellness and spiritual growth. 

The anger, the sadness, the depression, the fear – those are the parts of yourself that need forgiveness and love. Forgive yourself for the things you may have done that you’re not proud of and for having so many negative feelings about yourself or your situation.  

Often, the feelings we have when getting close to our truest self are extraordinarily complex and leave us unsure how to sort them out and process them.   

How do you forgive feelings that you don’t understand? 

Those yucky feelings that come up during self-forgiveness work that have you stuck, have embodied you on your journey. They have contributed to your sense of shame, hurt or worthlessness and by being there, have held you captive to staying the same.  

They initiated to protect you – you have outgrown them once you are at the plateau of feeling stuck. It is here that you need to dawn your warrior attire and begin the work of forgiving yourself in order to move more towards your highest-self.  

The most important person to forgive in life is YOU. 

To release – to let go – we forgive.  Remember these things as you begin to heal: 

Know that you have always done the best you could with what you knew, could handle, or were able to accept at the time of these events. Even in your worst moments, when you may have lost control – that was your truth then and that’s what you needed to experience.  

Thank the experience, love it, forgive it, and let it go. We see these memories as the scars we carry, but they actually give us the ability to rise.  

Feel those feelings. ALL feelings that arise are important to acknowledge and feel so they can be accepted and forgiven.  

4 Step Exercise 

If you are reading this article, you are likely ready to start healing and working on finding inner peace. Doing the exercise below is a great way to start and will help you learn about your feelings, release them and create the inner peace that only self-forgiveness can bring.  

• Write a letter (or audio record) to the parts of you that you don’t know how to face.  
• It’s important to really focus on and bring up all the emotions attached to these shadow parts. These emotions can range from anger to sadness to jealousy to remorse.  
• Go deep to acknowledge that those feelings about yourself exist and let them go by writing: “I forgive myself for all the harm I have caused myself and to others in the past. I forgive myself for ever having had these ugly feelings towards myself, and for punishing myself through self-hatred, guilt, and shame. I now release myself from these feelings and hold myself and all around me to the highest good.” 
• If possible, do an inner-child meditation and hug yourself deep within. We all have a little girl inside of us just wanting to know that she’s accepted as she is, mistakes and all. 

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If you spend two minutes in the online spiritual space, you’re likely to come across the widely used and misunderstood topic of manifestation. Spend more than a few months trying it out and you’re likely to require a rubber room for all your confusion, frustration, and mental exhaustion. This is because the notion of feelings-based manifestation is not widely known or practiced.

Manifestation is THE mammoth emotional hell roller-coaster of all spiritual practices. There are thousands of manifestation experts out there claiming they have the ONE way to beat all ways for ensuring you receive everything you desire. Yet they seldom work for more than a handful of people.

Are these so-called experts all frauds? No, but for the most part, they are trying to explain a complex and often life-long study into a simple, one-size-fits-all answer. This then promotes a false idea of instant success and gratification.

Feelings-based manifestation, your own way.

As much of a complete mindfuckery practicing manifestation can be, there is something you can do (besides crying into a bottle of shiraz) that will dramatically increase your likelihood of success. That is to practice FEELING into your desires. To be more precise, it’s your emotional energy that plays the biggest role in all manifestations.

“There is only one way, your way.” Danielle Aime 

The process for how you get to that emotional state might be very personal, and there are many proven techniques, but it all comes back to finding what works for you to get your emotions to the state they need to be for your desires to materialize.

Change your feelings, change your vibration.

Feelings-based manifestation is a very simple concept, but we make it hard by over-complicating how to do it.

“Negative emotions are like unwelcome guests. Just because they show up on our doorsteps doesn’t mean they have a right to stay.”
Deepak Chopra 

Our thoughts and feelings emit a vibrational frequency. Vibration is a Universal language and every being in the Universe speaks it fluently whether they know it or not. We don’t learn how to speak vibrations. They are the emotional energy that we naturally transmit to everyone and everything around us through our feelings. The biggest emitter of vibrations are thoughts, which is why it is imperative to get ahold of your limiting beliefs so you can switch your emotional energy into the vibrational frequency of your desire.

Feel all the feels.

Feeling a wide range of emotions is part of our everyday life. But so is not feeling our emotions. Many of us stuff down unwanted feelings to avoid feeling the pain or grief associated with them, turning feelings into core beliefs about ourselves and the world that lower our energetic vibration.

When you become paralyzed by feelings you then begin living a reactive life; you are reacting to things as they happen. Then you hurry to stuff the feelings down to avoid prolonging the discomfort until the next unpleasant situation occurs, leaving the unresolved feelings to lurk there just beneath the surface and form your core beliefs.

This emotional-based living equals a slow drip of anesthetic. All feelings should be felt, but it’s how you process the thoughts behind your feelings that change your vibrational frequency.

The secret behind manifesting is not getting locked into the dreadful feelings that occur when bad things happen. Instead, acknowledge those feelings and then immerse yourself in the thoughts and feelings of having what you desire.

Choose your feelings, choose your life.

Your life is a mirror and what you are experiencing in the physical reflects what you have become internally; you emit it out. This is usually a hard pill to swallow and many get defensive because they can’t fathom that they are a part of the events unfolding in their life.

But what if I turned that same concept around and told you that you can control and change what’s happening around you? Does that feel better? More empowering?

When we choose to change the way we feel, we allow a much grander thing to unfold. We impose a change upon the entire world. Literally, one small feeling can radiate out into the Universe, creating a ripple effect that begins to shift humanity into something better.

The world around us is mirroring humanity in its current vibrational state. The motto ‘what you focus on grows’ is a literal interpretation of reality. Let’s sum this up into a more digestible statement: change the way you feel – you create change upon the Universe. This, in turn, buys you even more time to change the things inside you to then have even more positive experiences around you.

Remember the world is your mirror. The mirror in which shows you through people what you need changes, who you desire to be, who you deny you are. The more toxicity in human thought, the more of a cesspool the world really is.

Lean into the feelings of having your desires.

Now that you have identified core beliefs that are holding your back and understand the connection between internal feelings and vibrational frequency, you are ready to feel as if you already have what you are asking the Universe to give you. Feel the feelings you would have if you already lived in the home of your dreams, if you already shared your life with your perfect partner, or if you were already financially free.

Here’s an example of practicing feelings-based manifestation:

Limiting Belief: I’ve always been poor. Therefore, I’ll never be able to pay off my bills. (Vibrational frequency tells the Universe: You are poor and you can’t pay your bills.)

New Choice: I’ve always been poor, and that sucked. But I did my best with what I knew at the time. I know I can turn it around because I am learning, and I am worthy of having everything I

desire – just like everyone else is. (Vibrational frequency shifts into: I have hope. I can. I am deserving.)

Lean into Feelings of Paying Bills with Ease: Now you imagine going to the mailbox and only receiving surprise parcels and unexpected cheques. Feel the joy, the comfort, and the fun associated with that. When you find coins on the ground, focus on the feeling of how easy abundance just shows up in your life. Make common occurrences become something extraordinary.

Focus on what it feels like to be so incredibly financially abundant. Feel what it feels like to enjoy the freedom that comes with doing, buying, giving, receiving, going wherever you please whenever you please, and knowing that you are worthy of it all.

Shift to this space as many times as you can throughout your days to re-program your mindset and establish a new baseline for receiving.

Vibrational energy is contagious.

Understand the relationship between non-physical force and the physical world. There is a non-physical power within us that brings whatever heals our bodies and minds and even brings peace to the earth. By controlling our minds and regulating our feelings, we awaken the possibilities and we invite them to become the overlay that we experience. When you move the limiting beliefs out of the way and debunk them, you open up a window inside yourself to feel differently, to allow more in, and to buy into the feeling of what it is you desire, as if it was here at this very moment.

If you continue to just ignore and walk away from conquering the low vibrational energy of your core beliefs of self, you will continue to attract into your life everything you don’t want, because that is where your focus and feeling continue to be.

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You are worthy.  

Just reading those words on the page can send you into an uncomfortable squirm, can’t they?  

I know, I know…I hear all the time from clients about how they may feel worthy ‘over here’ in their life, but not ‘over there.’ They can’t really see how wonderful they are. Despite their successes and commitment to personal growth, they still focus on their past mistakes.  

When guilt over the past and judgments from others seep into every part of your life, you start to believe you are not enough. And so, the cycle begins to overcome shame.  

Hey, I get it. I used to be like this too. But I let go of my own cycle of shame long ago and learned to embrace my worth. This was a key factor to my own awakening and becoming the best, most real version of myself I could be. 

What is Shame? 

Externally, shame can look like a lot of different things: anger, fear, guilt, low confidence, silence. Many people think guilt and shame are, in fact, interchangeable, but they are not. Shame goes beyond guilt. 

Guilt comes from feeling bad about something you’ve done that you feel was wrong. It’s about feeling terrible about a behavior. Shame is believing that your very being is wrong.  

Shame is really a form of spiritual suicide. By believing that your being is wrong, you slowly kill your sense of intrinsic worth. By not feeling worthy, you are detached from your soul-self, and you feel empty, lost, and afraid. It’s lonely as hell. 

Your past does not define you. 

Look, I lose my shit sometimes. I’ve blown up on my son or my husband more than once. I’ve had clients who frustrate the living daylights out of me, then be ashamed of myself that I was feeling that way when I should know better as a coach.  

Do I feel bad about it when I eff up? Absolutely. But I have come to accept that we all have emotions. We all have bad days. I have learned that it does not serve my clients or me one bit to allow the guilt over a less-than-desirable behavior to turn into the shame that keeps me paralyzed in unworthiness. 

I realized I had to love myself enough to forgive myself, release it and keep moving forward towards my highest good. That was the first step behind not allowing guilt from a mistake to morph into shame for being who I am. 

Why do some people feel more shame than others? 

Often, the seeds of shame are planted in childhood. If you grew up in an environment that was emotionally abusive or neglectful your chances of carrying intense shame are higher.   

Any environment that makes you feel unworthy, inferior, or just plain “not enough” will cause you to feel shame if you are exposed to it long enough. Other ways shame can start to take over your life is through mental illness or trauma that are left untreated and unhealed.  

It’s interesting to note that men and women respond to shame differently.  Psychologist Krystalynn Salters-Pedneault, Ph.D., says, “…men with shame-based low self-esteem tend to “act out” through anger and violent behavior toward others, and women to “act in” by turning their feelings inward and hating themselves.”  

How to rid yourself of the cycle of shame. 

Regret will bring you nothing. Bashing yourself will never take back the past. Allow the acknowledgment that you are a beautiful being experiencing life in all its contrasts. 

Talk about it 

Well, known shame researcher and author Brene Brown says shame cannot survive being spoken. Talk about a mic-drop.  

The first thing we want to do when we feel guilt or embarrassment is keeping it silent. This produces wonderful conditions for that feeling to fester and intensify from internal self-talk.  

Airing it out, giving it the light of day, and practicing vulnerability will release it from inside you and give it nowhere else to grow, which i find to be the easiest way to let go and overcome shame.  

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