Why is mom guilt even a thing?

We live in a society that is grossly obsessed with perfection. Perfect body, perfect hair, perfect career path, perfect kids – and most of all – perfect women. Women face extraordinary pressure to maintain all of the above and more….well….perfectly. This obsession with perfection isn’t conducive to trying to banish mom guilt, but rather, it perpetuates it. 

The delightful kicker here is that despite society’s generalized idea of perfection, there are also endless double-standards and conflicting ideals that make it even harder for moms to live-up to everyone’s expectations of how they raise their children. 

Expectations cause pressure. Pressure creates misalignment. Misalignment results in guilt. 

Calling out the bullshit.

I’m calling out these impossible standards right here and now, and I invite you to kick their ass to the curb with me. Unrealistic and decidedly boring expectations of ‘perfection’ are just one more way society is set up to keep you feeling small. 

First things first: You are not just a mom, or a wife, or an employee or a business owner. You are an extraordinary Being with purpose. Those other things are labels to describe your physical circumstances. They do not represent the essence of your soul. They aren’t YOU.

By being connected to your inner-self, you truly know yourself and the expectations of others begin to slide off you, reducing the feeling of pressure. As a mother, you can then start to make decisions for your kids and go through your day based on your true Being. This puts you closer to or in the space of alignment. Guilt does not exist within the alignment.

How common is mom guilt?

There’s a hella lotta guilty moms out there. 

And guess what?? There are loads of ways that regular mom guilt can be supersized. Yayyyy…

For example, single moms have extremely high rates of guilt. MAD props to you women – I don’t know how the eff you guys do it. I sometimes experience huge “I’m gonna lose it” stress when my husband leaves for over 24 hours at the firehouse. If that can get rough for me, I can’t imagine it day-in, day-out.

Let’s not forget that shaming is still a real thing that exists for stay at home moms, which substantially increases feelings of guilt. Guilt over not contributing to household income and buying into the judgments of others that they somehow “have it easier” than working moms adds to feeling ‘not enough’.

On the other hand, working moms are plagued with guilt, too. See, there’s extra guilt for everybody! No mom left behind! Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It seems no matter what you do, it’s not good enough for anyone. 

The prognosis for relieving mom guilt is bad here, I know. But I promise you, Linda, there is a way out of the shitty guilt spiral that society thrusts in your face at every turn.

How To Banish Mom Guilt.

As I’ve talked about before, self-love and honoring yourself comes from choosing yourself first. If you want to get off the mom guilt-train, you need to learn to love yourself from the inside and put that into practice especially as a mom.

When you get deep into self-love, you connect with your truest, highest version of yourself and you become confident in the knowledge that you are enough. 

“FFS, Danielle. I’m a mom. How the hell am I supposed to get all deep and self-lovey while dealing with a screaming toddler and baby barf all day long?”

I’m glad you asked, Linda – I’ve got you covered. 

• Practice self-compassion like your life depends on it (it kinda does). 

This literally takes no extra time – it takes discipline. Self-compassion is described as the capacity to be kind and accepting toward yourself, and willing to forgive your fumbles and imperfections. You can achieve this by changing your internal dialogue as you go about your day. 

From: “I am a total shit for yelling at him so much today.”

To: “I know that’s not my normal. I did the best I could on a monumentally hard day.”

From: “I’m failing. I can’t keep up with all this. I SUCK at momming.”

To: “Today was tough. No wonder, I am running on 3 hours of sleep.”

• Doing something just for YOU.

As moms, there is a lot of pressure and guilt associated with whether we should do things for ourselves or not – because ya know Aunt Barbra has a big-ass mouth and will say you’re selfish if you take a weekend away for yourself. 

Aunt Barbara be damned, be an amazing role model to your kids anyway by choosing yourself first sometimes and not being your own afterthought. Teach your daughter that society has created some major stigmas on mommas and show her how you’re rewriting those stories for yourself – and for her. 

• Don’t be shy to ask for help.

Need a hand? Cue the pride factor!! 

Asking for help: It’s. So. Hard.

Look, I get it. We have 4367 things to do in a day as mothers, but we must remember how important it is to have help bringing that number down. Now, don’t going asking for support from Aunt Barbara – or even your own mother – if you know it’s going to come with a side order of shame-bolstering judgments on your parenting style. 

Seek support from friends and family who you know will help you without the side-eye. If you aren’t blessed with that currently in your life, find ways to connect to other mothers in community groups, join mom meet-ups or hire out help. 

Even 2 hours of help a week can really make a difference. It’s not easy to build a village if you don’t already have one in place, but it’s worth it and necessary. 

Be the best version of yourself so you can be the best version of mom to them.

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“You get what you think about.” Abraham Hicks

It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Think about something and have it – or its energetic equivalent – manifest into your life. While the concept seems simple, the practice of active manifestation bears many more complications to getting what you want than you are likely able to work through.  

A lot of the frustration of manifesting comes from the wide array of incorrect or misleading information that now exists on the topic. The truth is, the word ‘manifesting’ has been used and abused in recent years and has now become a money-making scam for many self-proclaimed “gurus” as a way to make a quick buck. 

Getting what you want comes naturally.

What most people don’t realize when it comes to “manifesting” is that they have been doing it their whole lives. Yep, even you. From the time we are children, we unconsciously (or consciously) bring experiences or things into our lives through the process of manifestation.  

Don’t agree?  

Just ask any parent who’s ever bent to the pressure of buying a toy for their child at the store. 

The child is set on getting the object of their desire. It may take more than one trip to the store, it may take waiting until their birthday, or it may take getting a less expensive, but equally appealing toy.  

The point is…they align with a desire, stay persistent with it and their vibrational frequency brings them the equivalent of their desire. Manifesting is the Law of Attraction, which simply means like attracts like. Your vibrational frequency plus human beliefs will equal said desires.  

Like attracts like: Manifestation defined. 

Our energy bodies and paths have a lot to do with what we call into our lives and we create vibrations when we create thoughts. The vibrations we create with our thoughts attract like vibrations, hence ‘like attracts like’. If you don’t like what you’re experiencing, all you need to do is change your vibration by changing your thoughts.  

We live in a world of our own creation and we should speak only such words and think only such thoughts as we wish to see manifest in our lives. We must think only about what we wish to experience. 

“You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts.” Brian Tracy

Staying present is key. 

So, what is it that makes manifestation so difficult for some? It’s learning to master your own mind by controlling what you allow it to focus on. Controlling our thoughts takes practice and unending discipline, which is where most people fall off the rails.  

The best way to start mastering this skill is to remember to stay focused on the present moment. Don’t linger on lost opportunities or past mistakes – and don’t fixate on the worries of tomorrow, inturn helping to ease the frustration of manifesting. 

Feeling good now is the key to success; living in the present moment. Don’t save your happiness until after the success.  

Being in the present moment allows you to communicate to the universe that you are right where you need to be, and that you choose to feel good now. YOU create the emotions of satisfaction, happiness, and love, not the situations outside of your control.  

If you struggle finding acceptance in the present and have trouble stating, “I am right where I need to be”, then you need to work on finding awareness, acceptance, and appreciation for your life.  

You can do this by finding awareness, acceptance, and appreciation in the things that you feel have pained you or kept you from progressing in life. I like to call this Authentic Internal Response.  

Authentic Internal Response occurs when the “lesson” has been learned by having met the criteria of awareness, acceptance, and appreciation.  

Focus on what you do have. 

What’s in the past is in the past. There’s nothing you can do to change it. You can “coulda, woulda, shoulda” all day long, but doing so won’t alter the outcome or change where you are now.  

Learn what you need from past events and then let them go. And tomorrow isn’t here yet so why worry about it? Worrying or obsessing won’t prevent things from happening. It’s important to stay in the present because it’s the only part of the time that you have any control over. 

Choosing to feel good now by acknowledging what you do have signals Universe that you have what you want, and it strives then to deliver more of what you want. Again, like attracts like, ending the frustration of manifesting.   

Many people believe if you were to feel good where you are now, then you would not go any further because your satisfaction would make you stuck in the current state. Au contraire, my friend! The simple thought of acceptance and appreciation for where you are has the power to manifest grander things into your life and catapult you to where you long to be.  

When one is ok with where they are, that means they can find gratitude and appreciation in what lies around them, therefore signifying to the universe, ‘Wow, I love feeling this way. I love life; it’s beautiful. Bring me more please.’ The Universe loves to please you by delivering what you want. However, you need to make sure you are telling it what you want as opposed to telling it what you don’t want.  

Think about this example: 

You are in such a financial hole that you have no idea how you will pay your rent much less anything else that is due that month. Now instead of focusing on the lack and worry that most of us default to, try signifying to the Universe that you feel good where you are.  

It is you saying, ‘I see how much I do have. I have a roof over my head at this present moment. I have life. I have the ability to see, to hear, to feel, to express myself, to desire more.’ You have endless amounts of things to be grateful for, all you need to do is change your focus to see them.   

In this light you’re no longer telling the Universe, ‘Debt, debt, debt, please bring me more.’ You are instead sending out the vibration of “I have so much, please bring me more.’ If debt is your biggest struggle in life, then my Money Mindset course may help you.  

Rewire your thoughts. 

Read this statement or write it down 10 times or until the lightbulb goes off:  

FOCUS ON WHAT IS GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO HAVE.  

The present thought is so crucial and imperative if you’re tired of the frustration of manifesting not happening in your favor. It helps to be consciously aware of what you are saying to your brain so you can feed it the thoughts that amplify manifestation. Read or write down this next statement 20 times each day until you really feel it and believe it. 

I am right where I need to be. 

When you get yourself into this mindset, things around you become much easier and dare I say magical.  

Detach from immediacy. 

The counter-intuitive factor at play is what’s meant for you to have and when. Occasionally we can be quite hasty and very impatient beings; we like to see results yesterday. It can be hard to wait for the outcome, but again, don’t allow your impatient thoughts to take over and create resistance to your desires.   

Think of it like this: If life was always one way and you got anything you wanted with a snap of a finger without any effort or desire, life would be so redundant and systematic with zero perspectives.  

Life is full of contrasts and lessons, and if it weren’t so, it would be boring AF. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a life of contrasts with all the painful downs so I can also experience the beautiful ups over redundant and boring any day.  

Getting what you want in life shouldn’t be an almighty struggle. Focus on the good, consciously rewire your thought pattern and be patient. If you can do just this, you will capture the art of manifestation.  

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Embracing the Flow: A Guide to Soul Alignment

Hello beautiful people! Ready to dive deep into self-discovery and soul alignment?

Today, we are going to explore an often overlooked aspect of personal development: embracing the flow. For many of us, the hustle and push of everyday life can feel somewhat constant. There’s always something to do, some goal to reach, some problem to solve. While there’s certainly room for ambition and striving in life, it’s crucial to balance this energy with softer, more yielding moments of flow.

Who is ‘You’?

The first step to embracing your natural flow is understanding yourself on a deep and profound level. Often, we race after goals, dreams, and societal expectations that don’t necessarily align with our true desires and identities. But who are ‘you’ at your core?

You are more than just your body and your mind. Many believe in the concept of the soul, the eternal essence within us that experiences and learns from the world around us. This soul is who we truly are, and it resides within our physical form, observing, learning, and growing from life’s experiences.

The more in touch we are with our soul, the more we can live in harmony and alignment with our true selves.

Understanding the Soul

Truly knowing oneself requires not just recognizing your desires, but understanding your relationship with the world and with your self. This is where the concept of the ‘false self’ comes in. The false self is made up of unhealthily internalized beliefs, traumas, and societal expectations. Breaking these down and moving past them is a significant part of spiritual growth.

Depending on where you are in your journey, traditional therapy could be a great starting point for this work. However, if you find that traditional methods aren’t giving you the progress you desire, don’t hesitate to explore other avenues.

In the spirit of introspection, consider these open-ended questions:

• Why am I hesitant to make this decision?

• Why does the path I’m on feel wrong to me?

• Is this desire really mine, or am I trying to fulfill someone else’s expectations?

If these questions feel daunting, don’t fret. I’ve designed a workbook specifically for this sort of introspection. It’s available for only $7 and provides a solid foundation for your self-discovery journey.

Flow Over Force

When we learn to understand ourselves—our true self, not just our surface level being—we can begin to move with more grace and less strain. We don’t need to force things, hustle unnecessarily, or run ourselves ragged. Sometimes, the most powerful course of action is letting go and allowing the natural order of things to unfold.

As counterintuitive as it may seem, surrender can be the key to success. There’s profound wisdom and strength in letting go of control; we make room for new possibilities and experiences to flow into our lives.

Creating Your Path

Everyone has their own unique path in life and it’s important to remember there’s no ‘one size fits all’ approach to success. For me, maintaining a balanced, fluid lifestyle brings me satisfaction. Whether my business is soaring or times are tough, staying connected with people and living in alignment with my authentic self are my main priorities.

Indeed, the pitfalls of losing alignment can be severe. In 2019, I was lured by the glitz and glamour of automation, quick sales, and flashy success metrics. I had everything I had dreamed of—lead generations, automatic income, etcetera—yet I started feeling hollow inside.

Why? Because I was trying to fit into a success mold that didn’t align with my true self. I was feeding a false identity, losing touch with what truly represented me, which is connecting with people on a deeper level.

The Power of the Now

Here’s the kicker: Understanding the power of ‘now’ is the key to true fulfillment and abundance. When we’re present in the moment, we can attune to the flow of life, align with the natural rhythm of the universe, and create space for abundance to flow into our lives.

The next time you’re faced with a tough decision or you’re questioning your next move, ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Or, is this something my ‘false self’ thinks I need?

There’s immense power in discerning between these two questions.

As always, thank you for joining me on this journey of understanding and personal growth. I’m Danielle Amy and I’d love to have you join us for more discussions on real, raw spirituality and self-development. Be sure to subscribe to keep up with fresh content released every Tuesday and Thursday. See you in the next post!

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